So the end of the school year is fast approaching, and I guess now is the best time to reflect. Generally, I didn't feel like there was much different about this year from last year. I felt a little older sitting on the benches in chapel, and observing the younger grades with the sense of "when I was your age..." but nothing really changed. People were still the same, for the most part. Personalities barely shifted, friendships didn't really change a whole lot, and I still spent more time observing than is probably good for me. Hopefully next year will be different in a better way...
My favorite memories were made in the little moments. The inside jokes, the strengthened friendships, the brief times spent with my friends doing fun stuff when we were supposed to be doing something else. Most recently, sitting on the edge of a lake with my two best friends, hiding from everyone else, just being ourselves. It doesn't happen much anymore, but those are the best moments in life.
The challenging parts of the year happen mostly because of myself. I sit back, isolate myself from people, and become more lonely watching them. I find myself in moments where I don't feel like I have friends at all, or questioning my worth to my friends, and I am unable to communicate that to them in a way that they understand. Other challenges I had were dealing with people on a daily basis that I don't want to talk to at all. It is hard for me to be patient with people when my fuse is already so shortened with them. My bias from years past affected how I saw people, and most likely how they saw me.
I am so thankful for the friends that I know I have; the people I plan on being friends with for my whole life, who I trust with anything, and who I am comfortable being myself around. I am thankful for a family that takes a genuine interest in me and how I feel, and for them being there to understand what I was going through (to a limited point) this year. I am thankful for finding people I can talk to, and knowing that there are people I can't talk to. I am thankful as well for a God who loves and cherishes me no matter what, and understands me more than my tight-knit family does.
The most significant things I learned were not actual subjects, though I did enjoy most of my classes. I learned more about my friends, my teachers (who I hope I can consider friends), the people around me, God, and myself. I've learned more about God's unconditional love this year, from peers, parents, and surroundings than I've learned in my whole school career up to this point. I've learned that trust is a HUGE thing to give someone, and it can't be given as freely as I wish it could. However, I've also learned how to choose people as friends that I can trust, which is a very important life skill. I've learned that my friends and (immediate)family members are the best people in the world, and without a few good ones, life would be infinitely boring. I feel as though I am just now starting to grow in my faith as the year is coming to an end. My focus is shifting back to God, and it feels good to know so much about Him now, and to know that I will never stop learning.
I am prepared for middle school to end, but I'm not totally sure if I really am prepared for high school. I am scared of going to a bigger school, even though it won't even be full time. I am scared of my friends leaving, which will be hard because I'm not super outgoing for the most part with people. I am afraid of losing them as friends, and losing that connection, but I am determined to maintain those relationships. I am excited to try new classes and teachers and a new schedule and setup, which will all hopefully stay as confusion-free as possible. I am hoping for a great time next year, and to meet some new people at Thurber who will share some common interests and be just as amazing as the friends I already have. I am excited for the new experiences and new faces.
This summer, I need to spend a little more time doing things I want to do. Often times, I don't have time for my 'novels' (which are really just abandoned beginnings, because I can't get to the end ever) or my art, so this summer I'm going to spend lots of time being creative and making things that I am proud of. I want to make a painting for our living room, because we have no art up on the walls, and it's so bare. I want to do some sewing projects, and make fun things to wear. I want to finish at least one of my novels to rough draft stage, and maybe get it totally completed. I want to have fun with my friends, and spend as much time with them as I can before we get caught up in the high school experience. I want to make time for them, and for myself. I want to get closer to God, so my faith in high school is stronger. He calls us to have answers, to have unshakable faith, and that's what I intend to discover for myself. This summer, and the coming years, will be a time of discovery. Discovery of myself, my friends, and my faith in the ever-faithful God who is guiding our way through it all.
This year, like many of my school years previous, could have been better. But that doesn't mean it didn't have great moments throughout. I am happy to have been a part of my class this year, and to lots of wonderful people here and abroad. We should all be proud to have been part of this shared experience, and I hope and pray for the best in all of our years to come.
Thanks for a great year, blessings to you, and good luck in what next year brings. Happy Summer!!
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